Haikus! – One a day for 26 days

My friend Chibi found this, and I thought it looked fun.

(I’m just going to update this blog post so I can keep this project together in one place.)

1.Inability to Express Emotions

Concrete coffin, a
Tongue tomb suffocates the heart-
The start of madness.

2.Coffee

Dark Sandman defense
Brewed strong to burn the brain.
Sleep can’t catch the quick.

3.Beach

Greedy waves replace
Worn shells with fresh shells and
Red tourists with pale.

4.Sky

Miracle above.
Not the canopy but the
Endless void dyed blue.

5.Archery

Peace rests beneath noise,
below chaos, between heart
beats and thoughts. Release!

6.Music

Accept sound spectrum
like rainbow of people but
not rap and country.

7.Roses

Beneath petals red,
between thorns sits a cardstock
jewel of devotion.

8.Godzilla

Cathartic release
to purge Tokyo and let
God’s Shadow rampage.

9.Capitalism

Before Galaxy
zombifies your persona
Trademark your ID.

10.Mirrors

Couples together
In the other, shared weakness
turns to self loathing.

11.Transcendental Meditation

So disconnected
from meditation, I can’t
write a good haiku.

12.Mental Disorders

Horrid hell on Earth
Life-consuming construction
of private prison.

13.No

Like witch’s magic,
the forgettable turn to
siren’s temtpation.

14.New Notebook

Plain, parched pages drink
the trickling thoughts from my
ballpoint eyedropper.

15.Coma

The strong oak turns
brittle without vibrancy
when eaten hollow.

16.Gender

Male dominated
Fields –comics, games, science, math -
need a woman’s touch.

17.Broken People

Pain and misery
attacks the closest person
when they try to help.

18.Wet Paint

Wafting chemicals
sting my nose, reminding
me of beginnings.

19.Apollo & Artemis

Sister, Brother, Twins.
She kills to stay pure but he
is gladly soiled.

20.Alarm Clocks

Pulled gasping from sleep
by rusted nails made of sound.
Wasp stings to my brain.

21.Happiness

Weary world worries
worn away, weak and weathered,

Wrapped in your warm arms.
22.Life of a Mistress

The sea rushes in,
 Needy, consuming.  Once gone
 Dry sand fills the void.

23.Forgetting

Strangers surround me,
Waiting expectantly.  Why
do they call me ‘mom’?

24.Scissors

Atropos’ blades,
abhorred and dispised, ancient
shears that never fail.

25.Hot Dogs

Natural bolus
formation makes for easy
food competitions.

26.Hungry Cats

Meow, meow, purr,
Rrreow, meow, purr, purr, purrrrr
Damn! Fine! I’ll feed you!

Socks and scarves!

Socks! I’m learning to make them!

Back in January I mentioned a knitting book series I have – I Can’t Believe I’m Knitting! – and their hilarious covers. Well, among other knitting patterns that I’m dying to try out, they have a pattern to make a pair of socks. We all have to have passions in our life, little goals that get us from day to day. Knitting a pair of socks has been this backburnered dream of my since first learn to knit several years ago. Thanks to this book series, I’m well on my way to knitting my first sock! And I can finally say that I’m no longer limited to knitting in a straight line. I can knit in-the-round as well. Don’t get me wrong. I have no delusions of grandeur here. This is pretty standard for any self-respecting knitter of course. But I’m glad I finally sat down and learned it.

I’m getting pretty fancy with my scarves too. I have one for sale on my Etsy shop. Another one I’m mailing to a friend for a creative swap. There’s this red/orange/yellow I’m in the middle of, but I need another skein of yarn to finish. And finally, I just completed a 14 foot green/yellow monstrosity. It started out as a practice skein of yarn, one of those 1lb-ers I found on sale at Joann’s. But I kept at it off and on for about 2 years. Because I was knitting it as I was learning, it has some flaws, but it looks pretty good wrapped multiple times around someone neck and shoulders. It’s not something I feel good about selling though, so I’m giving it away on Facebook. I guess we’ll see who gets it!

Because it takes so long to complete a knitting project, I’ve started thinking of them as a work of art, like a painting or a sculpture. I’m not sure if others think of their projects this way, but I’m just making so many of them, it’s hard not to refer to them by name. I’ve started naming my scarves after the type of weather in which I imagine someone would wear them. The scarf in my Etsy shop is called London Rain and the scarf I’m giving to a friend is called Twilight Mist. This pretty much echoes the colors of the scarf too. The long green one I’m calling Clover Chill and the red/orange/yellow one I’m in the middle of is called Winter Heat.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do about the socks. Probably just wear ‘em. XD

Hole

I find the only way I can process some emotions I can’t normally communicate is through music or poetry. Comics, prose or art just doesn’t seem to cut it sometimes, so I dabble when I need to. This morning, I found a poem I wrote when my father passed away.

Hole
By Allie

I don’t want their pity
But I kind of need the help.
Things are moving much too fast
And I don’t know myself.

I wonder if they can see
The big black hole where you used to be
And that I think of you every single time
I stop to think of me.

I find what’s left is the regret
That I could have done you more.
I wanted to help but didn’t know how.
Now I won’t get a chance anymore.

Big black holes are hard to fill.
Some just never do.
How can I hope to ever be whole
When that hole won’t be filled by you?

Extrovert vs Introvert

I love to create. I paint and draw and sew and so much more, but the bottom line is that I’m most happy when I’m making something. Nothing makes me more elated than coming up with an idea and building something from the potential of that idea. Also, nothing makes me more agitated or causes me more stress than restrictions on what I can create, lack of time makes up the majority of the stress in my life. My mood is dependent on how that creation process is going and I can be very happy in my own company just making something.

There are different personality types out there, and I know what I’m describing seems alien to a certain section of the populace. I have talked with friends who just don’t understand how I can be ‘cooped up’ for a few days by myself or would prefer a quiet night with my boyfriend over going out some place.

I took a personality test some years ago, and it defined Introvert and Extrovert very specifically.

Introvert: Someone who needs to be alone to recharge their batteries. Being around other people drains them of their energy.

Extrovert: Someone who recharges by being around other people. Being alone drains them.

I often wish I was an extrovert. They get to socialize, meet new people and travel and feel better for it. What a wonderful way to feel good about yourself and be able to forge through your life. It’s taken me years to come to terms with the fact that I’m an introvert. I think introverts get a bad rap as being anti-social or that they dislike people. That’s really not true. I re-energize by creating in a quiet safe place, reading a good book or talking with a trusted friend long into the night.

In previous posts, I’ve talked about the creation cycle I go through -where I am solitary for a long while, but join the rest of the world when my project is complete. However much I love doing it, socializing and traveling is exhausting for me. As much as I fight it, that’s just who I am. But what do you do when who you are conflicts with your value system? I value time. I love my friends and family, and treasure every minute I spend with them just as I treasure every moment I get to create. Even if I should take time for myself to recuperate, I oftentimes will ignore that and go be with someone. After all, what good is life if you’re not spending it with people you love? I think your time is the most precious gift you can give someone, because you can never get it back once it is used and you have such a small, finite amount of it. It would be much simpler if I was just an extrovert.

I looked at my calendar today and realized I have social activities scheduled just about every weekend for the next month and half, including (but not limited to) going to Milwaukee for a convention, Minnesota to visit Snow and Florida with my mom. I’m so excited to be going to all of these places and spending time with my friends and family, I can’t wait! I’ve never been on a plane before, so I’ll let you know how that goes…

And since I’m an introvert, I also scheduled downtime for myself to recuperate.

Game Review – Metal Gear Solid: Revengeance

Metal Gear Solid: Revengeance

Xbox 360 Demo
Played 02/05/13
Publisher: Konami
Developer: Platinum Games
Game Release Date: 02/19/13

This Konami game is coming out in a couple weeks, but the PS3 and the Xbox 360 have free demos available. I played through the 360 demo on Tuesday and had a great time. I’m really excited for this game’s release, even though I’ve never played a Metal Gear Solid game before.

For those uninitiated, Revengeance stars a cyborg named Raiden as he cuts and parries his way through terrorists, evil AIs and gorgeous landscapes. There seems to be a long complicated back story for Raiden. I’m sure previous games explain why the only biological part of his body that exists is the upper half of his head and why this game is using a hysterically Engrish-y name like Revengeance. Since I’ve never played them, I’m just rolling with his crazy character design and the title. Raiden is fascinatingly morbid though, a stylish mechanical skeleton with an energy katana capable of cutting through everything. No, seriously. Everything. Flesh, wood, metal, stone. Half the fun of the demo was seeing what Raiden can slice in half. The other half is learning to parry everything instead.

“Cutting stuff” is the mission statement for this game. Beginning the demo, our friendly neighborhood Russian intel-agent, Boris, drops Raiden into a VR training simulation to teach him (and you) the basics of cutting stuff. The instructions are clear, the cutting system easy to learn and the visuals are stylish without being intrusive. The VR training lets you practice on watermelons, poles and cardboard cutouts of terrorists holding hostages. But don’t stop there! Cut everything. Cut the stone pillars holding up the bridge over your head. Cut the bridge. Cut the tables and the crates. Cut things just to see if they cut. It’s wickedly fun!

Once you’re out of the VR training simulation, the game gives you a charming, cut scene and explains the main points of the gameplay and story. Raiden is some state of the art skeleton-looking cyborg that drains spinal nano-yummies from his enemies to keep up his strength. The creepy “Doktor” who handles the maintenance of Raiden’s body is also building a gruesome collection of left hands, because left hands are convenient data storage units for the enemy and contain useful info. This is all delivered with smiles and bright sunny explanations, but I think in general, the gritty details of cyborg-biology combined with Raiden’s unlawful good alignment (“I’m good with crunching on terrorist spines because terrorists kill people and deserve to die.”) is disturbing. I like dark worlds and broken characters so Raiden being some gruesome tech-vamp at least has my interest.

The cut scene ends. Boris, the good Doktor and the twins dump Raiden onto a gorgeous beach. Try out the rest of Raiden’s abilities here. Combinations of the X and Y buttons will give you different combos. He can jump and has a ninja run, where you run straight towards something and Raiden will auto-jumpfliproll his way to the top or over whatever obstacle in his path. Just remember: Stairs are for pussies. Cyborg ninjas bound up the walls.

The other half of Revengence is the parry system. The biggest mistake in this demo is that there was not a VR training environment to teach the parry system. It’s such a big part of the combat system that, as is, Revengence essentially only teaches you how to play half of the game. I would have loved an explanation and a practice environment. Having an enemy attack so I can parry without penalty would have been nice. While Raiden does not have the ability to dodge, all enemies can be parried. It’s incredibly empowering to parry instead of dodge. You don’t get out of your enemy’s way; you cut your own path through them! I went through the entire demo using only parries and it was a blast.

Here’s how a parry works. The enemies’ eyes will flash red when they are about to attack you. That flash lets you know that you should pay attention to them. Then, they will attack. The first three guys you meet on the island will throw grenades if you’re farther away or kick, punch or try to stab you if you’re near them. Watch them. Click forward on the left analog stick and press the X (weak attack) button at the same time they attack. If you completely botch it, they’ll hit you. If your timing is off, you’ll block with a really cool energy wave visual. If your timing is good, you’ll catch their attack and counterattack with your katana. From a successful parry, press the left trigger to enter “blade mode” (from your VR training) and slice through the red square target that appears. Once the red target is cut, you’ll be prompted to press the B button for normal enemies or the Y and A button boss-type enemies. On normal enemies, the B button will send Raiden into an animation that rips the spine from your enemy and crushes it in his creepy cyborg-skeleton hands, filling your health bar. On boss-type enemies, the Y+A buttons will send Raiden into an extravagant finishing move animation.

Parries are incredibly rewarding. They do a lot of damage and turn all normal enemies into juicy spinal health recharges.

The intricacies of the story are at your disposal without being intrusive. Besides the occasional cut scene with Boris and co., the game play rarely stops except to introduce a new enemy or a boss. At anytime, you can press the back button, and speak to any member on your team. They have interesting things to say, background on your environment, information on the enemies you’re fighting, updates on the tech you’re using. One of the benefits of jumping in on a long established series like Metal Gear Solid is the world building is expansive. Being new to the world and story, there’s no shortage to interesting ideas or characters. If you like clever combinations of sci-fi and political intrigue, no one does it better than Metal Gear.

I found this demo entertaining, stylish and well-made with interesting combat systems, bizarre enemy types and intriguing storylines. It doesn’t hold your hand, but lets you find your own path and I like the freedom to be creative. You could cut your way through with simple X/Y combos. You could parry every attack coming at you. You could rush the terrorists that are going to kill a civilian or sneak around and peck them off one by one or you could cut the bridge down from under them. Raiden’s philosophy is clear from the beginning: It’s all good as long as terrorists die. I get a little queasy because all of the enemies are biological to come degree. Even the non-human monsters are essentially filled with meat and powered by tech. When they’re killed, they bleed out and squish. I’m an American, who likes action flicks. I’m comfortable with onscreen violence, for whatever that says about my psyche, but because I like parrying and because I need health, the spine crunch animation is pretty constant, and it’s kind of gross. I suppose I can always look deeply into Raiden’s beautiful eyes and try to forget that his lower jaw is missing. Chicks dig scars, right? Goopy monsters aside, I’m really looking forward to this game coming out. I want to see what other enemies are out there that I can parry into oblivion.

~Allie

Tooth Ache

I have a tooth ache and it’s really hard to concentrate. Your health really is the best thing you can invest in. I think I’m going to KO’d for a couple days.

~Allie

Etsy store!

I picked up a couple balls of blue/grey/brown wool at Joanns when a giant cold snap hit on Monday. I say a silent prayer every time I start my car when it gets this cold, because it just sounds so sick.
The scarf pattern that I started is alternating between knitting and purling. For those that don’t know, knitting and purling are the antithesis of each other. They’re the exact same stitch, but backwards. To knit, the thread and right needle are placed behind the left needle. To purl, they are in front. I sat beneath a lamp Monday night, trying to figure out how to alternate the stitches. The trick, I learned, is to move your yarn to the back or the front before executing the corresponding stitch. Move your thread to the back, then knit. Move your thread to the front, then purl. I have about 4 inches done so far, and a very consistent checkerboard pattern of raised and depressed squares with a dimpled border

The only problem I’ve run into is that I need to count and suddenly knitting is no longer this thing to keep my hands busy while I’m chatting with friends or watching TV. I have to concentrate. I’m just hoping that the more I practice the easier it’ll get and I’ll be able to put knitting back on autopilot again. This might just mean that I’ll have to choose future projects more carefully.

I also had to learn to read a knitting pattern. It’s not difficult, but I feel like I’ve cracked some type of knitting code. I am pretty confident that if I wanted to make a sweater, I could have a good go of it. The possibilities are suddenly endless and it’s very difficult for me to focus on this scarf until it’s completed. I almost pulled out the scarf I’ve been making to make a pair of mittens. The only things that stopped me was that I already have a pair of awesomely soft, warm mittens, so I might as well just make a scarf.

I finally put up an Etsy store, too. This is exciting for me! My store has some paintings and prints up for sale and I have more to add later. I think this will be a great place for me to sell all of my various creations. You might find some hand knitted scarves and original sculptures up there, too. The store is just starting and I have so much more to put up. Perhaps I should set up this Saturday to take good photos of all my wares.
~Allie

So many scarves…

I’ve been knitting so much this month. I managed to finish a multi-colored brownish scarf for the boyfriend just the other week. They were purled all the way through, so I didn’t have to keep track of stitches, but dang, that’s a lot of work. It turned out pretty good, simple and stylish. I keep meaning to take a picture of it to post here. The boyfriend doesn’t traditionally wear scarves, even though we live in the north, in January and it’s freaking cold. But, as I started knitting it, he seemed to have grown attached to it and wears it every time he goes out now. It’s really heartwarming to have made him something that will help keep him warm and safe until he comes home. I don’t have the exact words to describe how I feel, but I know it means more to me than I thought it would.

Mostly I end up knitting while watching TV. It’s rather nice to have produced something while doing something as stationary as watching TV. I managed to go through Season 1 of Game of Thrones and 4 seasons of Breaking Bad before finishing all this knitting. It’s strange because knitting is so mathematical and time intensive, I get a sick to my stomach that I can measure how much time I’ve spent on doing the exact same repetitive stitch by measuring how long the scarf is. I think if I didn’t spend that time watching something I enjoyed in the company of friends and family, I would give up on knitting completely. Somehow though combining two time wasting activities feels pretty productive.

I can’t remember why I learned how to knit. It was a couple years ago, and you know how crafters are – they always have unfinished projects. I have a knitting bag, a baby blue tote that I’ve stuffed all the needles, my yarn and unfinished scarves into. Since I finished my boyfriend’s scarf I’ve been going through my bag and finding everything left over. Yesterday I finished a second teal/purple scarf and I have a hilariously long green one I’ve been knitting off and on for a year now that’s almost done. I should measure the length of that thing…it’s stupid long.

But scarves are pretty much all I know how to make, which considering how long I’ve been doing this doesn’t seem right to me. I’d love to learn how to make socks and mittens and hats and little hooded shawls that I see online, but it’s been hard for me to wrap my brain around all the different types of knots and patterns. So it might be time for me to try to expand my knitting boundaries. I was thinking of starting a new scarf, but knit a pattern in it this time. I have a beginner’s knitting book that I think is really easy to follow. In fact, I liked this book so much, I bought the updated version two years later.
I Can’t Believe I’m Knitting The covers on this series always make me laugh. They’re just SO PLEASANTLY SURPRISED to be knitting. But the instructions for the different knitting stitches are explained simply and they’re illustrated. There are patterns for simple projects in the back and the variation is pretty much all I think I’d ever want to learn. I’m sure by the time I learn everything in his thin, cheap book I’ll be able to design and knit anything I could ever want. I really love the format, it’s easy to quickly find whatever stitch you’re looking for.
I was just going to go through and knit the scarf pattern they have in the back. Yup, I think that’s what I’m going to do.

Currently my bag of yarns only have furry, fluffy specialty yarns and they’re difficult to learn from. Furthermore, knitting patterns don’t show up beneath all of their fluffyness. Know what that means? I get to go buy new yarn. YAY!

~Allie

Haku-mania

I’ve been getting into fighting games lately. Just one of my many interests, I guess. My boyfriend is a fantastic teacher, and I’ve been listening to his gaming logic of genre for years now. Like, fighting games have a science behind them, logic and reason for winning and losing. Everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned from him and when I talk about this, it’s a bizarre combination of years of conversations with him and my rare personal experience.

A small group of us have been poking at Blaz Blue: Continuum Shift on the 360. Considering how quickly fighting games usually release new versions of their games, Continuum Shift is considered old, though I think it was released only a year or two ago. My sewing machine is three times as old, and I still consider it fairly new. Apples to oranges, perhaps, but I’ve been trying to play with some friends online and if they actually have this particular version of the game, they have is for a different console. So, only a small group of us have been poking at this game.

I’ve had problems picking up fighting games in the past. Every time you see someone really good at a fighting game, flashy moves combo into more flashy moves. There’s an inherit time investment needed to learn combos, so I respect those that devote themselves to something they love. Obviously, I would like to win a couple rounds now and again, too. But I run into a problem playing against others who just spend more time practicing than I do. Combo reliant fighting games can be really intimidating for new or casual players, like me.

What’s a combo? The concept is simple enough. Every time you clash with your opponent, someone will win. Damage will be dealt to the loser. Repeat. You can maximize the damage you deal to your opponent by linking more moves after you’ve won the clash. My boyfriend is better than I am at fighting games. If he wins about 4 clashes in a round in Blaz Blue, that’s enough clashes to take away all my health. It doesn’t matter if I win 6 out of 10 if I don’t do enough damage to take him out before he beats me.

Then I remembered that fighting games are an elaborate game of rock/paper/scissors. This is a concept my boyfriend has been talking to me about for years now. So I looked at the roster of characters in Blaz Blue and tried to find the characters that don’t require me to learn combos. If I can learn my character moves, I can try to “poke” my opponent to death.

“Poke”? The downside to most non-comboing characters is that they’re slow. The upside is that they’re hella strong. If my well placed ‘poke’ is similar to the amount of damage from another character’s combo, then I have a chance of winning. If I win a clash, I’m going do comparable damage, even without me learning combos.

Blaz Blue has two. Tager and Haku-men.

Tager is considered a “Grappler”. From what I understand, most of the time, this type of character is large, making them easy to hit, but they have much more defense than other characters. It takes a lot of damage to kill them. While you’re doing that, they are trying to “throw” you. By forcing you to come close to them for a long period of time, it allows the “grappler” to use the extremely close, unblockable properties of their throws, which usually yield extreme damage.

But I don’t like how Tager looks, so I chose Haku-men. Haku-men is a fairly slow, heavy hitting character, and, to me, seems to be based off the fighting principles of Street Fighter. He has a series of parries, meaning he can (very precisely) catch an opponent’s move and cause damage to them.

This is how Haku-men’s fights generally work for me. I’m consistently in a state of mind of measuring my opponent – where they are, what move will they do next, how much meter they have left, how quick they’re coming at me. Then I respond, and I try to stay away from my opponent to give me time to think. Typically, most fighting game characters are extremely aggressive. If I stay away, they come after me. And you can’t block if you’re making a forward movement. When they dash at me to attack, several options run through my head. Can I throw out a quick attack to stop their charge? Can I catch their attack when they get to me? Can I jump over them and attack from above? Should I just block and wait for another opportunity?

Haku-men is different than most fighting game “rush down” characters. They have dashing abilities to get across the stage quickly, quick firing combos to apply pressure on their opponents, preventing them from retaliating. With Haku-men, I wait for their mistakes, plan what I think they will do next, and punish them for being predictable. It’s methodical and rewarding, because when Haku-men hits, he hits hard.
Sometimes I win with him, sometimes I don’t, but with Haku-men, Blaz Blue has turned into a unique fighting game experience that I’m enjoying. That’s really all that matters, right?

And I think I want to play more Street Fighter.

~Allie

Fabric Fustration

I’m not going to admit to how long I spent researching fabrics yesterday. Needless to say, I know a great deal more about wool now than I did before, and I’ll leave it at that.

Apparently, it’s unanimous that if you want a warm winter coat, there is no other option than wool, cashmere being preferred. I would like a tightly woven, brushed fabric that doesn’t pill easily, doesn’t have a texture and is easy to sew. Correct me if I’m wrong here, but I think what I’m looking for is “wool melton”.

There are quite a few common wool colors and patterns, from eggshell to black, green plaid to red checkerboard. These are classic varieties. We’ve all seen them in stores, worn well by stylish celebrities and always make fantastic classy looking winter coats. Considering the retro design I’ve picked out, I really couldn’t go wrong with any color choice, honestly. I just…can’t…stay classy. I always start out that way then totally end up falling in love with stuff like this.

I’m also dreaming about getting large custom steampunk buttons made, too. But we’ll see.

Though, because wool is made naturally, from animal products no less, it’s expensive. The cheapest I’ve found online is $15 a yard. The one I’ve linked to is $25. The coat requires at least 7 yards. This is a problem. No way in hell am I spending that type of cash on a project unless I can guarantee the results. So, I think the boyfriend said it best, “it’ll be motivation to get more projects under your belt”.

So, I think that’s my next step – to continue down the SewMG road I’ve set for myself. There’s still a lot to sew out there and my wintercoat is the Land of Oz at the end of my yellow brick road. While this project has been officially backburner’d until I get some more experience, it’s kind of nice to have the pattern waiting for me, for whenever I get around to it.

~Allie